FATHERHOOD?

As the third Sunday in June approaches, my memories of my own father resonate throughout my whole being.  Even though he has been gone from us naturally since 1992, I continue to be reminded of his caring, yet strong persona, while visualizing his attributes in my sons.   The way Dad wanted to provide the best for his family, working 5-6 days weekly in the blue-collar arena, but still maintaining structure at home, keeping us together, was monumental. Mr. Jones, Brother Jones, or Mr. James (used as greetings by people from all walks of life), was a very seasoned individual, yet distinguished, teaching us to speak correct English at all times, proper etiquette, in order to enter any room with decorum, and chastised us whenever necessary, but never disregarded showing all of us fatherly love.  He had a strong dislike of the use of profanity, stating there is a dictionary full of meaningful words that can be used instead, which would supply better responses in any situation.   Our father believed that God had a plan for all of our lives, while trying to make sure we knew what the love of God was.  As far as building character in us, he saw the destiny of God in all of us very early in our lives, regularly providing worship experience outlet, studying God's word, and the appreciation of singing praises to the Lord, especially since he sang with a quartet for years.  Dad knew the importance of instilling in us guidance, helping us to realize the invaluable growth of genuine  artistic expression we would later desire to excel in.   I sincerely miss that type of fathering he projected, but nevertheless was, and remains a vital legacy, to which I consider myself quite blessed because of what he taught us.  When I was able to have my own children, even after becoming a divorced  mother, it became imperative that, with God's help, I could plant the same fruitful seeds that my father sowed in us, training them up in the way they should go. The following is an excerpt of a writing I was fortunate enough to envision earlier, and thought it to be very appropriate for such a time as this!  Be blessed, everyone!  A GOOD FATHER, OR  A SPIRITUAL FATHER? In my opinion, one of our greatest problems today is that people are going into life, into ministry or leadership of some kind without ever having been mentored or fathered themselves. I believe that the role of fathers today has been degraded in the public eye to the point that we have almost lost the vision for the critical role fathers play.  Appropriate, affectionate touch and affirmation, from a good father, who is a spiritual father, are probably the largest factors in building strong, personal spirits into our lives. Without the affirmation of our fathers, we will wander, looking for our identity in many other places, and perform for acceptance.  Here are some thoughts about good spiritual fathers: It is on our father's knee that we learn that we are the apple of his eye - and God's eye.  We learn that we are a delight, a pleasure, and that we are desirable to be with.  He communicates our value as a contributing member of the family, the community, and the body of Christ.  Being received by him, gives us the confidence we need to live fully out of our true identity.  We have courage, based on what our Heavenly Father says about us, instead of performing to win the approval of everyone else.   We are not lured into sin with flattery, because our Father has affirmed our God-given purpose, gifting, talent and callings in life.  We are secure in bonded relationships, and able to trust God when Satan's cheap, easy counterfeits come along to lure us with empty promises. We are able to minister out of health and stability, that is based on God's truth.   If you have been blessed with such a Father, please let him know how fortunate you are.  If you are hurting as you read this, its not too late to ask God for a spiritual father (or mother), to re-parent you and love you, with God's agape love.  Ask God for discernment to know who has a fathering heart, so you will be blessed and loved to life (vs. rejected again).   ASK GOD TO BLESS YOU WITH A GOOD SPIRITUAL FATHER TOO!   You can pray for your own father or spiritual father, by loosing him from fleshly traits, and binding him to the heart of God, and to His character.  If you have been hurt by an uncaring church leader, ask God for a good father, who is a true spiritual father.  If you are afraid to choose one for yourself, the following comparison between a spiritual father, and someone who is just a Godly church leader, may help you to discern a true father and their motivations.  Some of these thoughts are taken from the book, "Mentoring and Fathering" by Schultz and Gaborit, and some from "Restoring the Christian Family" by John Sandford.    GOOD SPIRITUAL FATHER "FLESHLY FATHER" Takes his childhood wounds to Jesus for healing Takes his hurts out of the nearest person Takes his fleshly reactions to the cross Automatic reactions w/o leading of the Spirit Forgives others, God and himself Holds resentment, judgments, bitterness Takes responsibility for sins he sown Blames others for what he is reaping Honors and respects his authorities Undermines his own authority with dishonor Is flexible and led of the Holy Spirit Under fleshly inner vows in his own strength Believes the best,  believes in you Has bitter expectations that you will fail again Confesses the sins of his fathers Repeats the sins of his fathers and more Touch, time, gifts, help, on your side Loves you the way he wants to receive love Hears God, is in agreement with Mom Controls, dominates, competes, pouts Appreciates/respects the opposite sex Undermines feminine contributions Encourages you for your own good Flatters you and manipulates for his agenda Finds time to be available to you Is too busy to spend quality time Will bless you when you are led to leave Will cut you off if you are led to move on Prays for you without ceasing Will pray if you ask him Willingly imparts spiritual gifts and wisdom Doesn't want to lose (spiritual) advantage Sees potential gifts, talents & callings in you Only sees you as you are now Trusts you to step out (with room to fail) Will not release you for fear of your failure Isn't afraid to discipline or correct you Will either avoid correction or will over react Has a heart to restore the brokenhearted Withdraws from high maintenance children Will pay a debt they do not owe Will hold your debts over your head Will fellowship with other fathers Will hide from accountability to his peers Moves toward the current move of God Weds you to his beliefs, past moves  Is not threatened by your other relationships Tries to control who you hear and who you serve   Teaches you dependence on God also   Keeps you dependent on him   Teaches you Truth from God's Word   Teaches you his doctrinal bias   Has the heart of a true worshiper of God   "Attends" or sends you to a worship service   Is happy when you succeed more than he   Is threatened when you succeed more than he   Has the 'team' concept of service   Has a 'golfer caddy' idea of your service   Makes you feel comfortable / protected   Threatens to expose you or attack you   Helps, wanting nothing in return   Expects something for helping you   Willing to admit his weaknesses   Will not admit weakness or mistakes   Is interested in what you are doing   Only what he is doing / his vision   Is relationship oriented and sensitive   Is task oriented   Communicates well and listens well   Feels bothered and put upon by you   Hears God and leads by the Holy Spirit   Influences or controls for his own agenda